Sunday, March 5, 2017

New Year(ish), New Beginnings, New Perspectives 

It's been awhile since I've written anything, to be honest, it's been nice. I also took some time away from seeing my therapist to try and collect my thoughts. She's amazing and has provided me with the tools to be able to do such a thing. I'm at a strange place in my life now. Sometime during the end of last year I felt a peace with everything that I've never had before (granted I did just switch to a new anti-depressant/anxiety med). I still miss Tim like crazy and think of him every single day. I'd trade absolutely anything to be back with him and it still hurts but I think it always will to some extent. I think it has to because as long as I still love Tim (which will never end) it will hurt that he was taken from all of us so early. 

This is probably the longest break I've taken from updating this blog since we started it but for some reason I just felt the need to get some stuff out tonight I guess as it's been somewhat of a rough and emotionally draining day. Biggest news is that I was laid off from my job in early December due to the elimination of my position, luckily my friends that own On the Roxx and The 05 ended up with an unexpected opening for their event coordinator/marketing so I'm taking that over as of this week. It's a great opportunity with lots of potential and I'm grateful to be able to take so,e time doing something fun for awhile as I figure out what direction I want to go next. 

I've been renovating my guest bathroom and just finishing up in time to find my masterbath is a ticking time bomb for needing its own reno. Pretty sure that between the dogs and the renovations I'll ever have a clean house again. My goal for this year is to have a clean house, clean dogs, clean car and clean me if only for afternoon before Dec 31.

In other news, which I may regret sharing and will come as a bit of a shock to all 4 of my parents and siblings is that I've begun to explore dating again. It's a lot different than it was 10 years ago and I'm so lost/confused about how it works these days. I did join a dating app and was asked to be the host of someone's seed as they wanted to make a mommy out of someone. I've never been so freaked out by another human. I have been out with a very nice guy who makes me laugh like I haven't in a very long time and has been kind, understanding and respectful of Tim's legacy. Who knows how this will work in the long haul but for now simply grabbing dinner and a movie with someone who can make me laugh and enjoys my mixed up humor while I get the pleasure of his company sounds good. This is likely to be the only post I make about this subject as I made the choice to open my life with Tim but no one beyond the two of us opted in for the public view of our life and as I figure out if/how dating will fit into my life privacy sounds pretty great.

Life is great some days and hard others but I'm finally finding a new normal and daily routine. The dogs keep me on my toes and eat everything in sight. The off and on of meds they've put me on over the past 2 years has changed my metabolism so I'm getting aggressive about getting my body back so I can try to feel a bit more like me again.

Thank you all for everything you've done over the past two and a half years. I have the strongest (& most protective) groups of friends I could ever ask for. They pick me up when I'm feeling down and arrange days on the couch with junk food, sad movies and support when I need extra love. The fact though that I'm still getting messages about the impact Tim played in the lives of others is such a testimony to his wonderfully lived life. He's so ver missed, esp as we approach our 7th anniversary but knowing that he is now living the life he deserves is a bit of comfort.