Saturday, January 25, 2014

The Fourth Anniversary

Today (Saturday) is the fourth anniversary of Tim's diagnosis. It's actually kind of strange as usually it's on my mind from the first of the year but this year it has kind of snuck up on me in the craziness of life and I likely would've forgotten had the prednisone I'm taking for a sinus infection not been keeping me awake. 

Four years ago today changed the course of our lives for better and for worse. We've learned an incredible amount about ourselves and matured in ways that likely wouldn't have happened without this diagnosis. It showed me just how much of the "gross stuff" I really can handle and is the catalyst for me going to nursing school. Our love for each other is stronger and deeper than some ever get to experience as we have truly learned what it means to live for each other. We eat healthier than we ever have before and other than chocolate for me and red meat for Tim we no longer crave the "bad stuff".

In many ways we're still just the same though. We have some knock-down drag out arguments over the stupidest things (typically it involves Tim snoring and his refusal to roll over or me cover stealing by wrapping myself in a burrito fashion). We still take experiences and each other for granted. We also still get overdramatic about things that are inconsequential in the grand scheme. 

This week nothing went right for me; our garage door broke, I got to work before realizing I left my laptop at home, I got a migraine that just wouldn't quit and found out I have a wicked sinus infection, things I've worked on for school for months fell apart, crazy doesn't even begin to describe what work has been like and I'm already behind on my schoolwork two weeks into the semester. It's been a doozy. As I got out of my car last night after leaving work at 7 and not taking a lunch for the second time this week and our dog started sprinting away, I had a thought about how this was the worst week ever. It took a few seconds for reality to kick in that we've dealt with far worse but it is funny that it happened the night before the anniversary of what was truly one of my two worst weeks ever.

We're pretty positive on here the majority of the time as we try to be every day in real life as well. We both have some incredibly low days and we have fears we deal with on a daily basis that we both struggle to put into words for each other much less within a blog post or to friends and family. We also have a tendency to gloss over some of our darkest moments and experiences, some memories from that first year are still incredibly raw and painful. Overall though we are incredibly lucky as those are all few and far between. 

With how "normal" this part of our lives is to is now (we don't know married life without it) I forget just how unusual our situation is at times. It's still always surprising to me to see the looks of concern people give when they find out that Tim has stage 4 colon cancer followed by their shock that he works full-time and is actually thriving. 

Life has been able to be "normal" for us due to the love and support from all of you. Sometimes helping us to forget what is going on is the best gift we can receive. And you all make that possible for us. We will never be able to thank all of you for everything that you do to help, even when you don't realize you're doing it.

Anniversaries are good things to celebrate even when it is one of heartbreak as it helps to reflect on who helped to mend it. Thank you to all of you who have helped us put those pieces back together time and time again. 

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