This past week we dedicated the I TOR conference room in Tim's memory and I know he'd be so honored. I've had friends offering dinners, stopping by to say hi, hanging out, sending cards, etc. and through the time I spend with them be it on the phone, on FaceTime or in person, I feel his love. Today was my youngest nieces dedication at church with a reception here after. At one point her older sister was running around interacting and playing with everyone as I cleaned up inside (likely due to the cake and ice cream and candy corn I kept offering up). In that moment I could almost visualize she & Tim playing as he once did with Steven's oldest two. I can't begin to express how much I wish that was reality.
For now I'm doing ok, my meds are finally regulated, I have the best support system I could ever dream of between family, friends, doctors, etc. and I'm truly living in each moment and facing each day as it comes instead of worrying of what will come after. I'm scared of next Sunday and the feelings and memories that will come from that day but honestly it's the day after that scares me more as I have approached each day with the comfort of seeing what Tim and I were doing a year ago on that date which gives me a sense of comfort. Oct 5 will be the first time I can't do that. I have no doubt that I will make it though but these days really knock the wind out of me and it feels like it's hard to recover from the blows. Regardless I haven't stopped trying. It's a fight every single day to get up out of bed and I count the hours until I can climb back in. But I am fighting and fighting hard to be ok, to reclaim my life and slowly but surely to move forward, always carrying Tim right with me.