Sunday, October 4, 2015

Today was bad, tomorrow will be worse

Today has been hard, it officially marks a full year since I lost Tim. Everything I've done over this past year has been in the perspective of what were we doing at this time last year. Right now I was signing off on not having an autopsy on Tim, they were asking me what funeral home to use, I was starting to go through my and Tim's phones for our families to call and inform friends of the news, I missed a lot of people in the chaos. Someone posted something about it on Facebook which forced our hand into making a post about what had happened versus being able to let the shock sink in and get through the night. I had to get on the elevator and walk away from Tim for the last time. I passed out from exhaustion and it's one of the last times I really slept through the night without medication, even to this day.

Today has been hard, full of clear and difficult memories of what Tim went through in his last day. Tomorrow will be nearly impossible. Tomorrow will be the first time in my adult like that I look back to what happened last year and don't have memories of Tim included. I have had such a tremendous support system and incredibly patient, kind and thoughtful friends but it doesn't make the process any easier. Thank you all for supporting me, our siblings, parents and grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends over the past year. There are many more hard days ahead for all of us but the kindness and patience means a lot.

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