Monday, January 7, 2013

Reality

Well as I had just about finished my blog somehow I hit the wrong button and deleted my entire post that I had just written.  That is just par for the course today.  So let me start all over again.

I want to start this post out today and talk about Jenny's grandfather, Zade Rash, who passed away a couple of weeks ago.  He was a Chief Master Sargent in the Air Force.  He was an amazing person who was genuinely concerned about me and how my health was doing.  He treated me as if I was one of his grandchildren and not someone who married into his family.  He would do anything for anyone including give them the shirt off of his back.  He was a great person who will be greatly missed.

As Jenny wrote in the last post my CEA had gone down two times in a row.  And since this post I have gotten 2 more results which includes the one I got today.  My CEA has risen again, which is something that Dr. Edenfield told me would probably happen, and I just wanted to give a little bit of an insight into a bad day for me.

At around 4:30 today I called my nurse to check on a couple of prescriptions and then told her to "give my some more good news on my CEA".  Her voice quieted down and said that she wished she could but it has risen.  Immediately my heart sunk and I began to try to think of things that I could have done differently in the past month.  I was in my brother's office and he could tell that I had just gotten bad news and asked what it went to and I told him and immediately the encouragement came from him.  "It's just one you will get it back down next time".  I finished a couple of things that we were working on and I decided that I was still going to head to the gym to get my workout in (New Year's resolution) even though I had no desire to do it.  And I am not going to lie to you, there are always thoughts when you get bad news of if this is the start of more bad news to come.  Those thoughts come and they leave just as fast.  When you are facing a situation like this you can't afford to think like that.

I got to the gym with no desire to be there and decided to just get it over with.  My new thing is to workout for 30-45 min and then get on the elliptical for another 30.  Before I even started I wanted to cut it to 30 and then head home.  But as I started to workout one of my buddies Colby had just started his workout and told me that he also had no desire to workout today.  I told him that I was probably just going to lift and then head home and at worse do 10 minutes of cardio.  But I kept watching him as he worked out and he was working out really hard and was really throwing around some weight, and it donned on me as I started on the elliptical that I can't take days off.  Colby went to do a couple more things and walked passed me and looked that the time on the machine and said "I thought you were only doing 10 minutes?"  I told him I changed my mind because to me if I give up on just working out and 15 minutes then what will I do if things really get tough.  I am not a quitter and I never will be.

2 Chronicles 15:7 
But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.

I guess that I just wanted everyone to know that even though I seem positive, most of the time, that I do have bad days and things are always sunny.  

I hope that everyone has a great week.

Tim




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